This Ain’t Your Diddy’s NASCAR
“They oughta fine that son of a bitch and suspend him the rest of the year, I say.” Strong words issued by a man in a late season championship hunt after being taken out while leading the race by someone out of the championship picture. If you guessed those were Joey Logano’s words following this week’s Martinsville race, you’d be completely wrong. No, those were the words of Dale Earnhardt, following the Fall 1989 North Wilkesboro race, after he and Ricky Rudd got tangled up in a “quintessential” NASCAR moment.1 I didn’t have to look up that quote, it sticks out in my memory, among the many former great moments of a former great sport. Cable TV was still fairly new, so hearing Dale saying a cuss word on TV was a pretty big deal for me. It was my Steve Harvey’s Sister Odell moment. I don’t think I’ve missed a Cup race since.
December Ramblings from Senior Editor
Every now and then, Senior Editor will take time to empty out all the random thoughts that have been bouncing around in his/her head. These are those thoughts, in their entirety.
Senior Editor’s Incoherent Ramblings, Musings and Abusings that remove all doubt:
Opinion: We’re Totally F@#$*&!
RICHMOND – Who would have ever thought that Jo Dee Messina would have prophesied this? When that radio-faced chubby Ginger presented us with the option of “Heads Carolina, Tails California” during the peak of 90s country, who would have thought she would have been foreshadowing the 2013 Virginia Gubernatorial race? These are your options now. Flip a coin, Heads Carolina, Tails California… It’s heads,… Ok, let’s go for two out of three, and change it to somewhere greener, somewhere warmer, instead? Fine, but hurry up. You don’t want to keep the vacuum shop guy waiting. Yes, I’m talking about getting out of Dodge folks.
Opinion: Smothering the real issue with Pink
I thought something was wrong with my TV. I’d just settled in my recliner, turned on whatever football game Fox was trying to force down my throat at 1 PM, and found Eagles at Giants. Hoping to see Mike Vick get maimed, I tuned in. (Editor’s Note: Senior Editor does not wish bodily harm on anyone playing football, however Senior Editor finds exception with Michael Vick, the scum of the earth, and openly enjoys seeing the ever-living shit get knocked out of him.) Upon seeing the field, I thought to myself, “Those pink yard lines look a little funny, and something must be wrong with my TV set… as it appears those guys are wearing pink shoes, and what’s that…? The refs are throwing pink flags? What the hell is going on here?”
Ask Clem: How to deal with a noisy neighbor
Dear Clem,
My neighbor is trippin’. I live beside this man that is forever having parties and making noise all night long. He is either always playing loud music, or enjoying the company of various men. I really hate confrontation but I guess I am going to have to talk to him. What is the best way I should go about it? I need my peace of mind and sleep back, especially on early workdays!
Nervous Nelly
Well hello there, Nelly. First, the question is, do you want to just have peace and quiet, or do you want to get back at him? If you just want peace and quiet, you came to the wrong place. Call the cops once, you sleep for a night; but get back at that bitch, and they’ll never cross you again. (Or you’ll have an ongoing war, but at least it’s all out in the open right?)
An Open Letter to the SoCo Fair
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Dear Whoever “runs” the Fair: First I’d like to apologize for being too lazy to look into who is actually in charge; I got things to do, as I’m sure do you, so I hope you can understand. As I’m sure you are aware, you are charging 20 bucks for Friday night at this shindig the County calls its Fair. Now before you get all defensive and say, “You can buy an entire pass for the whole event for $20, see, we’re not ripping you off!” please allow me my time. Before I delve into what’s really bugging me, I’ll deflect this $20 pass thing away quickly. If your life is at the point where 4 nights at the fair for $20 bucks sounds like a good idea, well you’re clearly mistaken. That’s not a value, personally I think making someone be there for 4 straight nights is a form of some sick, twisted, torture. |
Maybe we can use it in place of a short term prison sentence for some people. “What’s that? I can have four days of searing heat, broken-down, greasy carnival rides, being herded like cattle into the beer line just to have half the beer spilled on me, seeing “friends” I’ve tried to avoid for the past 361 days, sitting through a pageant that only Chester Hardy could love, all while the smell of putrid B.O. and manure permeate the atmosphere as annoying gnats and giant mosquitoes circle my head all night?” said… no one ever.