FRANKLIN—Tammy Jefferson sat by the Greasy Spoonlet’s drive thru menu for an hour on Wednesday, before realizing her beloved Greasy Spoonlet was not open for business. “I sat there my normal time, you know nothing out the ordinary, because you can’t rush good home style food. It usually takes a good 45 minutes before they get to you. But after awhile, it became obvious they wasn’t open,” said Jefferson.
Jeff Wood was also in the same line, and had actually believed he had ordered and was waiting on his food to arrive. “The speaker was making some buzz sounds, nothing unusual, so I thought they got my order. I pulled up, thought I saw someone moving around and figured they were getting it together. Thirty minutes later, I started to grow concerned, and finally realized that my baked beans and chicken thighs wasn’t to be. It’s just disappointing. Loyal customers like myself don’t deserve to find out this way. No where else I can find good hush puppies either in this fast food of a town.”
LaNeisha Whitehead had shown up to finalize the catering order for her wedding set for March 23, and just stood there shaking her head, with tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. When asked for comment, she said “I just don’t know what I’m gonna do now. People coming from out of town to my wedding and they expecting this chicken and all the fixin’s. It just ain’t right.”
Timothy Scott had driven all the way from Capron for some barbeque and slaw, but was distraught when he found the Greasy Spoonlet doors shuttered. “This some bullshit right here,” said Scott. “Making me burn up all my mu-f—–‘ gas and y’all closed? Don’t even make no sense. Now I got to settle for KFC with that sour slaw and neon-yellow mac n’ cheese, tastes fake as hell. They’re probably out of biscuits too knowing them. Screw that, I’m driving to Bojangles.”
News quickly spread throughout the area on Thursday, with rumors running rampant as to why the fledgling restaurant was closed. “I heard it’s ‘cause they couldn’t find enough 80s décor to renovate the place,” said Anita Huggins. “Well I heard it’s the economy, no one can afford a good plate of barbeque,” said Debbie Downer. “Naw, that ain’t it,” said Jeff Dell, “it was all the armpit hair they found in the sweet tea canister. You got to go down deep with your arm to wash them things out, well, you might have gloves to clean the bottom, but your armpit is going all around the top of that thing. Health inspector’s shut ‘em down when he found more than a splash of lemon in his tea.”
Owner Lydle Spoon could not be reached for comment, but it’s believed he has fled the area with the cash register, 200 pounds of minced pork, and 4 economy sized cans of green beans. He is believed to have an accomplice by the alias of Hamburgler. If you have any information on Spoon’s whereabouts, please keep it to yourself, as this is likely Phase 1 of Michele Obama’s Attack on Obesity.