FRANKLIN—A life long passion of reading on the john led Duncan Kohler to write his first novel.
“I have always loved to read,” Duncan enthused. “But reading on the toilet has to be one of life’s greatest pleasures, so I thought I’d combine my two passions, and write a book that would always be there for you during your moment of truth.”
Kohler is no stranger to a toilet. After growing up with irritable bowel syndrome or IBS, he spent most of his childhood taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. It was during this time, he became fascinated with the differences of color, consistency and volume, and he began to group and classify his deposits. “There were all kinds of differences going on,” said Kohler. “Sometimes it’d be runny but very yellow in color, other times it’d come out looking like a Milky Way candy bar. I became curious as to what causes each aspect, and those years of research paid off as my novel has become a great success.”
After his childhood on the throne, Duncan went to school where he obtained his Bachelor’s degree in Human Waste from University of Phoenix-Online, where he also played Scatback on the virtual football team.
These life experiences gave Kohler the inspiration to write his first novel, 30 Shades of Brown: 3,000 Flushes of Taking the Cosby Kids to the Pool. The e-book is considered a comprehensive expert’s guide to the art of the dump; a go-to source for information when you need to know what your poo is telling you. 30 Shades of Brown is chock full of color charts, funny toilet humor anecdotes, Kohler’s own scale that classifies everything from the runs to that 15 pound bowling ball passing through your colon, a “Do you need to call a Doctor?” section, plus a photo gallery of Kohler’s most infamous turds. Also included are public restroom tips that range from the perfect method of seat lining to picking the correct stall, when to snap a picture and send it to your friends, his tried and true method of shaking off those pesky clingers, and much more.
“I wanted it to be something you would always have to turn to, when life gives you corn, and answer you on what is floating around in that bowl,” he said. “Too often, I found myself confused as to what I had just done, internet searches proved to be inconclusive, and when your staring down at this mustard colored blob, you need to know what causes it. Was it because I ate all those chicken wings last night, or is my liver rotting? People deserve to know, and I wanted to create something that was the perfect complement for when you’re going #2.”
The book is dedicated to bread, which Kohler gives so much credit of his past toilet triumphs. “I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve eaten a sandwich at lunch, and sure enough, 30 minutes later, there I was dropping a deuce, and flipping through my Mom’s Southern Living because that’s all there was laying around in the bathroom. I wanted better for this next generation of toilet readers.”
The book is also sponsored by Quilted Northern and Phillips Colon Cleanse.
After 14 years of eating, shitting, research, reading, writing, and arithmetic, Duncan finished the novel, noting the first chapter of his e-book was written on three-ply Charmin.
In a press release about his book Kohler says, “30 Shades of Brown is a page turner about the loss, the experience, the begging God to save you, and asking yourself why you continue to drink milk and eat red meat?”
Since the e-book’s release last week, the book has had over 600,000 downloads, from allover the world through the Amazon digital bookstore, but especially Japan, where the Japanese have quite the fascination with their own excrement.
With the success of the first title, Kohler is currently writing the sequel, 30 Shades of Brown: Aftershocks: What to do when it’s been 3 times in 2 hours with one raw hind end, with the hope of releasing it in fall of 2013.
“I have a trilogy mapped out,” Kohler explained. “….It’s gonna be the shit!”
In addition to the electronic downloads, 7,000 copies of his book have been printed to date. Some of these are currently available for purchase at the Rest Stop out on I95, where he will have his first book signing in the sink/wash area of the men’s restroom on Saturday, June 8.