Name: Moe Parr
Age: 31
Name of your Mistress? Justice!
Occupation: One of the best damn Troopers in the Commonwealth of Virginia!
How many youngins? 1 that I know of!
Are we paying for them? He’s only 4 and he’s working two jobs paying for your youngins!
Have you ever been pulled over by the illustrious Stanley Johnson? Yes, when we were just out of the academy he stopped me and a car I was going after for speeding. He wrote the car I was going after a ticket for speeding and he wrote me for speeding while catching up to the car I was chasing!
What would you do if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he’s hungry, and the only way to feed him is to sleep with a woman for a little bit of money? I’d tell him to take whatever money he has left after taking care of your kids and paying the garbage tax and go buy himself a damn sandwich…then I’d go sleep with that woman, let her pay me for the best experience of her life then arrest her…because hey it’s a criminal arrest in the books!
What is your Secret to Happiness other than alcohol? Making auto insurance premiums increase!
What is your favorite beverage? My own special mixture, 1 raw egg, a bit of Tabasco sauce, a Red Bull and a Serge soda (this one is hard to find). I call it “The long arm of the law.”
What celebrity do you think you look like but couldn’t be more wrong about? I could be Chuck Norris and Clint Eastwood’s adopted lovechild!
What was the worst decision you’ve ever made and why? I once let an old lady off with a warning… it made me look soft!
Tell us about your most recent trip: I once took a vacation to North Carolina… it was hell… they have the worst drivers and I couldn’t write any tickets. I had to make 14 citizen arrests just to keep my sanity!
What is the worst advice you’ve ever received? Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he will eat for his lifetime… I call bull. I taught this poor guy how to fish but did not teach him how to cook. Long story short, the bastard ate a raw fish and died of food poisoning!
What sports teams do you hate the most and why? Soccer… I hate all soccer teams equally… it’s a bunch of Europeans kicking a ball around and not having the stones to pick it up and hit each other and they have the nerve to call it football.
List some of the things you do when you lose your cool: I compete in watermelon eating competitions to calm me down. Hell, I’m the reigning Southampton County Fair watermelon eating champion 7 years running!
Most humbling moment not involving a venereal disease? The day Stanley and I saved the Franklin Golden Corral…now if you’ll excuse me I need to grab another plate.