FRANKLIN – Franklin City Public Schools’ school board has found yet another excuse for its ongoing dysfunction, this time pinning the district’s communication breakdown on Microsoft’s deprecation of Skype. At Thursday night’s meeting, board members debated how they could possibly be expected to function without a platform they apparently hadn’t updated since 2010.
“Look, when Skype went away, so did our ability to properly govern,” claimed School Board Chair Mr. Gerald Bolt, adjusting his clip-on tie. “Emails? Too complicated. Phone calls? Too personal. We trusted Skype, and now it’s gone. We’re adrift in a sea of technological uncertainty.”
Superintendent Dr. Charlie Canner nodded solemnly, adding, “This is a dark time for Franklin City Public Schools. Without Skype, we had no way to inform Principal I. B. Competent he was being removed, no way to tell Coach Mike Wilkins his job was posted online, and certainly no way to answer the five-things-we-did-last-week challenge from DOGE.”
A heated debate broke out over possible replacements for Skype, with Vice Chair Linda Prescot suggesting Microsoft Teams, but board member Tim Reilly objected on the grounds that it had “too many buttons.” The discussion quickly spiraled into absurdity when Mr. Bolt proposed returning to AOL Instant Messenger, only to be told that it, too, had been discontinued.
Frustrated, Board Member Carl Denton threw out an alternative: “What about smoke signals? It’s simple, reliable, and doesn’t require remembering a complicated password.”
The suggestion gained surprising traction until a concerned citizen pointed out that Franklin High School’s last fire drill resulted in a board member getting lost in the parking lot.
Meanwhile, local resident Brenda Mathers had her own take on the situation. “You people couldn’t communicate effectively with Skype,” she said. “What makes you think a tin-can-and-string setup is going to be any better?”
The debate raged on, with Dr. Canner making an impassioned plea for the return of fax machines and board member Reilly briefly lobbying for handwritten letters delivered by carrier pigeon. After nearly an hour, the board adjourned without a decision, though sources indicate they may be leaning toward a Facebook Messenger group.
The next school board meeting is scheduled for March 20.