FRANKLIN – In a press release on Monday, Franklin City Public Schools announced the demotion of longtime Franklin High School Principal I. B. Competent. Having served as Principal at FHS since 2010, Competent will take over a brand new Central Office position as the Director of Non-Athletics Activities and Distance Learning.
In the press release, FCPS Superintendent Dr. Charlie Canner cited Competent as “Being too pure for this school system. It is well known that to be successful, all members of an organization must be in lock-step. Unfortunately for Mr. Competent, his community connections and ethical leadership methods did not align with our vision.”
“Unfortunately for Mr. Competent, his community connections and ethical leadership methods did not align with our vision.”
FCPS Superintendent Dr. Charlie Canner
Some members of the public expressed their thoughts and concerns with the change during Citizen’s Time at the Franklin City Council meeting earlier this week.
“I just think it is ludicrous that the school system is going to remove a pillar of our school,” said concerned parent Lyla Smith. “Mr. Competent is vital to my child’s well being, and he ain’t no Coach Timmy, but he ain’t bad to look at either.” She then winked in Mr. Competent’s direction, who was present at the meeting.
Cindy Struthers was also confused, stating, “My child couldn’t even string a sentence together before coming to this school, who knows, maybe one day she’ll be able to tell me when to use who or whom, but all I know is, she hasn’t even come close to getting shanked in months.”
“I tell you what, back in my day, the principal had a paddle,” said parent Linda Barnes, “and my Lord do we need to bring that back, and there’s no one I’d rather have guiding me than Mr. Competent.”
“F— them kids”, said local taxpayer Buck Wild, “I pay good damn money that this government just blows left and right. We can’t be throwing money around like it’s nothin’, hell look at me, I only went to school six years, and look how I turned out.”
Mr. Competent expressed his gratitude for everyone supporting him, stating, “I am very appreciative of all the support from everyone, including the emails, texts, and the couple of ladies that tossed their undergarments in my direction. I want you all to know that I read and sniffed each and every one of them.”
“F— them kids.”
Buck Wild
A small number of students were in favor of the change, including 21 year old Senior Jamal Hagans. “You know, Mr. Competent, he was always like, get to class, do good in school n shit, but he was always on my case, I couldn’t never get no time under the bleachers!”
Replacing Competent is a little known former administrator by the name of Lola Brown. A quick search of her socials turned up a Facebook account that hasn’t been updated in 12 years, with her last post mentioning that she recently left employment from The Derek Zoolander Center for Children Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too, and a Tinder profile indicating a preference for fresh produce.
In an anonymous complaint submitted by a FCPS teacher on Wednesday, school system administration were accused of a “procedural irregularity” in the sequence of creating a new Central Office position for Competent without first advertising the position to current employees or the public.
The letter goes on to state, “It is imperative to clarify whether this position was genuinely open and filled through established protocols, or if procedures were circumvented to facilitate a predetermined personnel change without due process.”
When asked to comment about the accusation of the Superintendent not following policy, School Board Chairman Mr. Bolt said, “We have kindly reminded the superintendent of the importance of adhering to school policies and procedures.”
By Thursday, numerous members of the school division had received reports of a potential student walkout on Friday, or as one anonymous board member said, “A normal Friday, those kids can’t keep their asses in the chair to save their life, I don’t see how this is much different.”
A video posted to the Facebook group “WHERE IN THE HELL IS FRANKLIN VA?!” Friday morning apparently shows a protest inside the school by FHS students. The school, which houses grades 7-12, was reportedly placed on lockdown just as students were walking out the front doors.
“I wonder if they can spell what they are protesting?”, stated Trooper Stanley Johnson, who was assigned protest duty.
FCPS Spokesperson Ima Schill reiterated that any student who walks out of the school or displays derogatory posters on school property will face disciplinary actions.
“I wonder if they can spell what they are protesting?”
Trooper Stanley Johnson
Posters adorning the walls of FHS displayed various messages of “We like our principle!”, “Shanice, will you go to Prome wif me?”, “Here’s your one chance Fancy don’t let me down”, and “yall quit playin, my king better be stayin”. It also includes the following hashtags: “#Youreprincipleaintmyprinciple”, “#FreeRKelly;” and “#CookiesNow”.
The video in question shows students chanting, “We want Competent!”, although others could be heard making additional demands, such as an agreement that no snow day makeups will be added to the calendar, as well as the return of ala carte cookies to the lunch room.
“The students have made a litany of requests at this time,” said FCPS Spokeperson Schill. “Currently, the list is two pages long! Who taught these kids to write? It’s probably that damn Chat GPT doing it for them.”
News of the student protest gained traction on X and caught the attention of The Department of Government Efficiency’s Elon Musk.
The DOGE program was recently created as part of the Trump administration, to trim the fat from American institutions and return the funds to the most fortunate. “It’s just the most beautiful program”, stated Trump. “You know, people tell me all the time, DOGE is just terrific, it’s the best, what a wonderful thing for this country.”
DOGE is headed up by Elon Musk, an African American immigrant and National Socialist. Currently, DOGE has targeted the Department of Education along with public schools for egregious spending on the nation’s youth and their unpopular facts based curriculum.
“How many assistant superintendents, principals, even teachers or janitors, does a school system with 700 students really need?”, stated Musk.
Musk will attend the Superintendent’s Town Hall meeting scheduled for Monday, demonstrating his commitment, as working on President’s Day must be like working on your birthday for the plebeians.
Concerned citizens are urged to sign up for “Citizen’s Time with Elon” at the scheduled School Board meeting next Thursday, February 20, at 7:00 PM in City Hall. Time slots are limited and are expected to fill quickly. Citizens may not look directly at Mr. Musk, as they could not comprehend what they see, and all comments addressed to Musk should be prefaced with “Mr. President” or “Your Excellency.”
“How many assistant superintendents, principals, even teachers or janitors, does a school system with 700 students really need?”
Elon Musk