Part 9:  Epilogue

The Grand Opening was a sight to behold. In typical Newsoms fashion, the old BB&T letters had been removed, but their outline could still be seen underneath the shiny new Bojangles designs. The restaurant had created a number of jobs for the local residents, and the lack of town police allowed people to pass pain free through the town borders. The drive thru line was wrapped around the building when I pulled up.

Inside, it was as Newsoms as can be. The three locals were in a booth, one crying about losing Dez and Tony, one laughing at the one crying about losing Dez and Tony, and one crying because at the end of the day he was still a Redskins fan, but had Dez and Tony in fantasy.

Ol’ Stumpy had found himself a nice booth, and convinced Shitonya, who was in town to help train the staff, to take a break with Ol’ Stump.

Peanut hulls were scattered everywhere across the floors, as Bojangles corporate offices had embraced the local product and made it a part of the restaurant’s flair. Connie had been hired as an assistant manager, and she was currently exchanging flirty glances with Timmy Sunbeam. Some people never learn I guess.

The teller area had been completely redone, with fryers sitting where the teller windows once stood. The vault had been converted to a deep freezer, and the lobby area was filled with tables and chairs. After I placed my order with Connie, I heard a familiar voice.

He was working one of the fryers, missing his trademark suit, and had swapped out his classy Mint Julep glass for hot sauce bottle filled with what I assumed wasn’t hot sauce. No one swigs hot sauce like that. Old traditions die hard.

I heard him say he was going on break, and I quickly moved to his general direction. I asked what happened with Boykins, and he just shook his head and said, “Yeah, I went to Boykins, for a week, but Boykins is a special kind of screwed up. Newsoms has its problems but it could be worse, you could live in Boykins. Besides, I got this job, I get my chicken whenever I want, the prime pieces too, and I’ve almost saved up enough to buy that gold plated AR-15 at the town auction next week. Plus, I get to spit in the town council’s food. That makes me happy. It’s the little things!”

About that time, a handful of councilman showed up with their Bo-For-Life cards. The Vice Mayor gave former Mayor Nutt a nod, which Nutt returned, and that was that. No drama, no disparaging of mothers, they weren’t a bunch of women about it. After the air cleared, with a sly grin, the Vice Mayor asked, “Now how ‘bout some chicken?”

Gustavo was now the interim mayor for the town. After the council got excited about the free chicken they pretty much agreed to any and all terms, which meant Gustavo was now in charge. He sat at a table by himself, updating the town’s bylaws using Microsoft Word. The next mayoral election is scheduled for 2035, with 20 year terms.

As for our two former town cops, things haven’t gone as smoothly. On a corner table, a local newspaper showed Tinsticker’s blurred ass on the front page, noting that he is still awaiting trial. Johnny Law, Jr., turned to his former moonlighting position of Midnight Entertainer, however that failed when residents learned enduring his dance moves would no longer result in their speeding ticket being torn up (It was part of his good cop/bad cop routine). He has since moved on to his third brand of chewing tobacco, Levi Garrett after Skoal and Red Man were both banned for him under a court order. He currently is working off his legal debts as a security guard for the law offices of L’Chaim, L’Chaim & Mozel Tov, and is taking night classes under the tutelage of Huell Babineaux to bolster his chances of remaining there permanently after his debts are paid.

My time in Newsoms was complete. I rode through the Bojangles drive-thru for one last time to relish my time spent there. I took my biscuit, turned down the highway, and let the horses run in that Ford Fiesta. Before leaving town limits, I got up over 65, (top speed for a Ford Fiesta, she was red lined) I passed Trooper Johnson on duty. He gave a knowing wave, as to say, “This one’s on the house, go forth and spread the word, the real law is back in town.”