SUFFOLK – If you’ve been to a St. Augustine Good Touch/Bad Touch Academy game lately, you’ve been in for a treat. Anthony Thomas, 18, of Suffolk, or “Tony T.” as he prefers to be called, is making quite a name for himself on and off the football field. Thomas leads the Jesus Loves the Little Children and 8 Man Football conferences in both touchdowns and rushing yards. In just his last game against the Children of the Poor Academy out of Dinwiddie, Thomas ran for 295 yards and 7 touchdowns, while making 14 tackles and an interception in the Good Touch/Bad Touch Academy’s 85-75 win. “I just go out there and try to make plays, like Coach says,” said Thomas. “My two down lineman were really opening up some holes and I was getting in the secondary on every carry. I just got to thank my Mom and God for this performance.”
Such a productive outing would normally make an athlete Jivewater’s Player of the Week, but Tony T.’s coach doesn’t want him to get overconfident. “This is a team game,” said St. Augustine Good Touch/Bad Touch Academy Head Coach Pistol Reed-Opshun. “There’s eight players on the field out there at a time, not just one. Tony doesn’t turn that corner without the help of his teammates. I don’t want anyone thinking they’re above this team, so I won’t allow a player to get a big head by being honored in some rinky-dink newspaper no one reads. Besides, he’s in the paper every damn week in that other section.”
The other section of the paper Reed-Opshun is referring to is the arrests section, where Tony T. has had all-star recognition on a weekly basis since coming out of the Juvenile Penal system two months ago. Arrests have ranged from driving without a license, to petty larceny, to urinating in public, to assault and battery, capias, and indecent exposure. “Five men in the box can’t stop me, so there ain’t no prison bars that can hold me either,” say Tony T. “And that indecent exposure charge is some bullshit man, I just ran so fast I ran out of my clothes out there one night.”
“Without a doubt, I will have to keep seeing this miscreant in my courtroom on a regular basis,” said Judge Bangen D. Gavel. “We’d put him away, but you know how it is, big time football star everyone wants to look the other way because he can run a football through 8 players like it’s swiss cheese. No one will testify after his arrest. Makes me sick.”
Tony T’s dual threat nature of on-field success and off-field mischief has created a great deal of interest from several college coaches as well as a few penitentiary wardens. “He’s somebody we want real bad,” said Virginia Tech head coach Frank Beamer. “I told Shane to put the full court press on him, to let Tony T. know that we have the personnel here at Virginia Tech to really help him blossom, and we have as much experience as anyone in Division I when it comes to dealing with felon student athletes. All he has to do is look up and see that “Vick #7” banner hanging at Lane Stadium. When he came up to visit, we had Cody Journell take him around delivering pizzas and they hit it off, so we’re hopeful.”
Deerfield Corrections Warden, B. Hein Barz, was also optimistic. “Oh, we’ve seen the game tape, we’ve seen the arrest record, it’s only a matter of time hopefully before we acquire his talents. He’s a local kid, so we hope when he decides to go big time with his robbery, that he does it locally so that we may obtain his services. Our penitentiary team starting RB got shanked last week and will be out for the foreseeable future, so we think he’d be a good fit.”
“I’d be honored to play for Coach Beamer or Warden Barz,” said Tony T. “It’s no secret I have some off the field problems, and I think either one of these men could have an impact on my future. If I went to Tech, there’s so many felon student athlete alumni that I could lean on, and I’d get to meet Mike Vick. If I went the crime route, I’d probably still get to meet Mike Vick, but also my favorite player growing up, Aaron Hernandez. That dude’s killer instinct is unmatched, and I feel I could really benefit learning from him.”
Wherever he decides to play, Mel Kiper, ESPN’s NFL draft guru and scout, feels that Thomas will have his work cut out for him. “I gotta tell you, I saw the surveillance footage from his recent shoplift at Wal-Mart, and I’m not so sure about his speed,” said Kiper, with his helmet-like hair never moving. “He swiped some T-Bone steaks and made a break for the door, but his carrying was a little sloppy. Elite defenders will strip that out at the next level. Trooper Johnson was also off-duty that night, so he was going up against lesser competition in that of an overweight store manager, passive stock-boy, and a part time town cop. The speed I saw was more in line with someone with 4.6 speed. That’s not going to get it done at the next level. I’d need to see him have the same success against a real 11 man squad or better competition before declaring him an elite prospect.”
For anyone wanting to get a good look at Thomas on the field, St. Augustine Good Touch/Bad Touch Academy will take the field this Friday to play Northton Suffolk High School, where he is expected to run wild against an opponent that has been outscored 230 to 16 on the season. Thomas is expected to make his college decision by December should he not get convicted before that time.