COURTLAND – The rain held off for the first time in years and the Franklin/Southampton County Fair crushed their previous “attendance record” with an astounding turnout at Friday night’s Florida-Georgia Line concert. An accurate attendance count has proved to be impossible however, as fair officials only have on record the number of legitimate tickets sold because there were no turnstiles, clickers, or abaci present at the gates.
Counting the number of panties strewn onstage also proved inaccurate as several fans weren’t wearing any to begin with. Fair officials believe that using the eyeball estimate, this crowd most definitely surpassed the greatest Fair spectacle in it’s history, an appearance by the esteemed Joe Diffie. The one thing Fair officials have not been able to account for in it’s estimates is the rampant use of counterfeit tickets.
With high ticket prices steep for many would-be fair-goers, several people were forced to choose between eating or getting their “Shine On.” However many computer savvy Fair-goers went with option C, counterfeit tickets. The Jivewater News has learned of the underhanded backlash to high ticket prices this year, as numerous (insert your adjective here: industrious, creative, immoral, ballsy, dishonest) people have taken to their home printers to make their own counterfeit tickets. Our contributing Walmart Greeter, Jonathan, had reported that blue card stock has been hard to find for miles around Franklin for the past few weeks. Our source, which spoke on the condition of anonymity revealed, “All it took was for one person to buy a legitimate ticket, and make copies. Pass them around to your friends and everyone gets in for a one time investment of $20 plus a $5 pack of paper. Hell, sell them at a discount to your friends and you can still turn a profit!”
The anonymous source also revealed that the Fair itself was an accomplice in this plan as the heralded Four Day Pass wasn’t numbered, meaning creating duplicates was effortless.
Ryan Lewis, owner and food vendor of the Magic Purple Headed Mushroom Bus, where he cooks and also resides, said “Fake tickets have been great for business. People are coming to the fair with an extra $20 in their pockets, so I can sell them more overpriced food. It’s a win for everyone involved. But I would like to take this opportunity to dispel the rumor that there’s weed on this bus. I think half of our would be clients think we’re a drug front.”
“Counterfeit tickets or not, some of these people need to git,” said Fairgoer and concert attendee, Myra Kitchens. “I’m not surprised. All these rude ass folks out here ain’t got no home training to start with, so I’m not surprised their trifling ass is printing out fake tickets. WOOOOOO, I’ll roll my windows down for you Florida Georgie Line, WOOOOOO! What were we talking about? Oh yeah, that rude bitch that keeps trying to steal my seat. Bitch you better back up and get your own seat, you counterfeit ticket printing, seat stealing…” (Editor’s note: Mrs. Kitchen’s comments have been redacted on account of what she said was unprintable, even in this publication. We do apologize.)
When asked about the use of counterfeit tickets, fair organizer, Randy Hunt, said “We had no idea that this could happen. I mean, we used Vistaprint to create tickets for the online buyers, and Vistaprint ensured us that they ran a secure site. We really aren’t sure what happened, or how anyone has the technology to do this. I guess this means we need to be extra careful next year and charge $25. As for the un-numbered tickets, it was cheaper to print un-numbered tickets without any design on the back. These kids are like wizards with these computers today.”
Plans to ensure counterfeit tickets don’t ruin next year’s Fair are already underway, as a password and elaborate handshake combination will be required for entry into next year’s Fair along with a valid Vistaprint pass. Fair organizers believe a rise in ticket prices will cover the additional expenses for handshake training.
Well, that will do it for the Fair for another year. Thank God.