After utilizing our ever so generously donated (more on that topic later) Media Pass last night where Chester Hardy stole the show, Senior Editor would like to provide our readers with some helpful tips when attending this year’s Franklin/Southampton County Fair. Enjoy.
The Jivewater Parking Lot Party
On a budget? Don’t have a ticket? Just buy you and your buddies a case, take a pickup, park in the parking lot Friday night, put the tailgate down, have a seat, hear the music, no Port-a-Potty wait, no annoying people, and get out before the crowd hits the parking lot. Don’t say we never gave you anything.
Five Dollars, Five Dollars!
Be sure to bring plenty of Lincolns in your wallet, as if you want to do anything, it’ll cost you five dollars. Want to ride the ragged-out monster truck as it eases over the 2 foot dirt bump? That’ll be five dollars. Want to jump on the suspended pole thingamajig? That’ll be five dollars, and no you can’t go fatty. Want to ride a camel? Five dollars. Want a funnel cake? Six dollars!?! Want to ride Fancy one last time? Five dollars. One thing to remember with the fair expenses, when faced with doing something that will obviously cost five dollars, ask yourself, do I want this, or a 5 dollar foot-long later? Just remember WWJD and FDFL (Five Dollar Foot Long).
Giraffe Giner
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Parents looking to teach their children about the miracle of birth should visit the Giraffe Giner Playtube. If you catch it at the right time, they’ll be more kids flying out of that orifice than Leigh Z. Personcan keep up with. Those looking for the miracle of seeing an Elephant take a shit, should look at the other end of this tube. Just saying, the person that designed this was totally burned out with the Carnie lifestyle and was looking to get back/give back. Mission accomplished. The I see you but I’m gonna pretend I don’t see you moveAt the Fair, you can count on a few things. Rain, Heat, Stank, but most of all the “I see you but I’m gonna pretend I don’t see you” move. You’re standing in your group of friends, fearing for your “pack” that if one gets pulled astray, they’ll never make it back to the “pack”, as those in the “pack” comment to one another, “OMG, how did he let this happen, now he’s gonna be talking to that dude he can’t even stand and we’re gonna miss the Pony show, thanks a lot!” So to avoid these embarrassing situations, we treat the fairgrounds as if it’s littered with dog shit. We don’t know when we’re gonna step in it, we just know it’s there, and it’s gonna suck to have to deal with when we do. So to avoid the shit as much as possible, we constantly check the ground, look off in the distance past the person we’re trying to avoid, try to appear really engaged with our “pack”, pretend we have this thing we have to get to right this minute, or really focus on their head movements so as to strategically turn yours moments before they glance your way in the classic “I totally didn’t see you there” move. We’re not throwing stones here, just stating the obvious. Oh, and you are most definitely friends with these people on Facebook. |
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