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Dear Whoever “runs” the Fair: First I’d like to apologize for being too lazy to look into who is actually in charge; I got things to do, as I’m sure do you, so I hope you can understand. As I’m sure you are aware, you are charging 20 bucks for Friday night at this shindig the County calls its Fair. Now before you get all defensive and say, “You can buy an entire pass for the whole event for $20, see, we’re not ripping you off!” please allow me my time. Before I delve into what’s really bugging me, I’ll deflect this $20 pass thing away quickly. If your life is at the point where 4 nights at the fair for $20 bucks sounds like a good idea, well you’re clearly mistaken. That’s not a value, personally I think making someone be there for 4 straight nights is a form of some sick, twisted, torture. |
Maybe we can use it in place of a short term prison sentence for some people. “What’s that? I can have four days of searing heat, broken-down, greasy carnival rides, being herded like cattle into the beer line just to have half the beer spilled on me, seeing “friends” I’ve tried to avoid for the past 361 days, sitting through a pageant that only Chester Hardy could love, all while the smell of putrid B.O. and manure permeate the atmosphere as annoying gnats and giant mosquitoes circle my head all night?” said… no one ever.
Most individuals I know can only really handle one night of the Fair. You’ve been there 23 minutes, looking around and saying to your immediate company, “Yep, it’s the same shit as last year, and it’s even more depressing that everyone’s a year older and still wearing those booty shorts even though their butt runneth over.”
What I’m trying to say is, most people come to see the big act, on one night and that’s pretty much it. So essentially, by this reasoning, you’re charging 20 bucks a head to see Friday night’s show. To be completely honest and up front, I will say that you have done a solid job booking musical acts, albeit, it seems one-sided and unfair to the area demographics, as I don’t see you bring in any R&B or hip hop acts. I’m guessing Kanye wasn’t available a few years back? I can’t be the only one that’s noticed this. White people sure like to boot scoot n’ boogie but they do like a little bump-n-grind too you know.
In regards to this year’s act, I consider Florida-Georgia Line to be the booking I have been the most excited about, well since Joe Diffie, that guy is a Southampton hero now. Their blend of Country mixed with that Southern rock vibe is right up my alley and I really enjoy their music. It’s a good night when you can get your shine on and roll your windows down and cruise, yes sir, that’s a redneck anthem right there if I’ve ever heard one. Wait, maybe you should cruise first, then get home, lock up your truck keys, then get your shine on, in that order. Trooper Johnson does have enough going on as it is. But to put it succinctly, I really like their music.
With that said, I think charging 20 bucks a person sends a strong message. In an area that is still pretty battered by unemployment and the sagging economy, 20 dollars is a pretty steep price to pay for a music group that, at last count, has three singles released to its name. So with that math, the average family of four shells out 80 bucks to come to the fair to hear a band sing 3 known songs, and the inevitable 15 cover songs to make up for a complete concert. Oh, that’s if it doesn’t rain, like it does every damn year. Note that for that price, we haven’t ridden anything, ate anything, or drank anything yet. It’d be cheaper for the average Joe to get a #1 combo at Wendy’s, a 12-pack of Natty Light, put on Pandora and avoid all the heat, stank, and the constant status updates you could care less to see of the Facebook in real-life that is going on at the fair.
Look, I realize you’ve probably taken some hits with the weather, poor showings, and the economy. But at the same time, ripping off your residents isn’t the way to go, although it could be easily argued you have no qualms with that seeing as how we’re 3 years away from another Dump Tax. Yep, it’s gonna cost you $1 every time you need to drop a deuce within the confines of Southampton. It’s coming folks, let’s just hope they don’t charge by the nugget. I’m sorry, I just gave them another idea. My point is, if you have to charge $20 bucks a person to recoup your expenses, well then, maybe you shouldn’t have booked them in the first place. Your residents are stretched enough as it is, the fair is supposed to be a celebration, a good time for folks, not something we’re wondering how we’re going to afford. I’d hope you’d consider coming to your senses on this one and making it more reasonable. If not well, that’s fine too, I’m sure I can go find something cheaper to do out of town. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Senior Editor
P.S. Can I get one of those press passes for free? You can email it to jivewaternews@gmail.com Thanks so much!
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