FRANKLIN- Ally Green, 24, of Franklin was just cleaning her house Saturday afternoon, listening to WLQM, when it happened. “I was just mopping the floors,” said Green, “with the radio on in the background, you know, waiting for a new song to come on, amid the 80s country they keep playing over and over, and when it came on, I lost control of myself.”
Thallo Green, Ally’s husband as well as a frequent suspect in murders involving candlesticks, revolvers, and rope across the world, was lounging in the Conservatory, when the same sounds overtook him as well. “I’ve always been straight as an arrow, but that man had me wanting to take my trousers right off,” said Thallo. The Greens, remaining captivated, found themselves glued together suddenly, where it suddenly became Mr. Green in the Kitchen through the secret passageway with his own weapon. They are expecting in August.
The culprit of this hypnotism is none other than Country Music King, George Strait. No stranger to crooning hits and making ladies swoon in his tight-fitting Wranglers and perfect hat, this cowboy troubadour did not just appear out of the blue clear sky. In his decades-long career, he’s elicited every emotion known to man, except the emotion for the perfect baby makin’ song. Music lovers and critics should have known this ocean front property owning cowboy wouldn’t get carried away without having an ace in the hole. After announcing his farewell tour, Strait released Give it All We Got Tonight, unleashing lyrics that were sure to burn loins and grow his fan base by the millions in the coming months.
The Greens are just one of many cases that Mr. Strait has caused, according to psychiatrist, Ima Quack. “This is without a doubt the pinnacle of baby makin’ songs,” said Dr. Quack. “Baby, fall into my kiss…. it should just happen like this, trust it so much that there’s no one else but us… and
this moment that says it’s so right, ’cause that’s all we have in this life…. Drink up this love, baby, give it all we got tonight.” (Dr. Quack begins fanning herself and has lost all composure) “What were we talking about again? Phew, I normally don’t get like this. Yes, this has moved past Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On, and R. Kelly’s Bump N Grind, on the All-Time baby-makin’ chart. I’ve never seen a more hypnotic, mood altering song.”
R. Kelly, in an impromptu press conference, defied the new ranking, and went to defend his honor by stating, “R.Kell gonna come back from this, you know, Kells always been the champ of baby makin’ tunes, ain’t nothin but a thing to me. Y’all can think Mr. Strait holds the title now, but Robert knows who’s the best. Now R.Kelly wants each of you to know one thing, R.Kelly gonna be in that studio everyday, ‘til Kells come up with that beat that makes a baby fall right out you without even have to have a man there. R. Kelly’s music would already put it there for you. Real Talk!”
Dr. Coppen A. Feel of OPP OB-GYN has seen his business explode since the song’s release. “We’ve had to go to a 24-hour service,” said Dr. Feel. “I’ve even had to take on two more trainees, Dr. Phou T. Tang and Dr. O. Penn Wyde. It’s been so good for business, I’ve had the Cooter Scooter driving around all-over town blaring Mr. Strait’s hit from the PA system.“
In the past month, the Cooter Scooter, along with the local hospitals have reported a 21% increase in pregnancies across the region from the same time last year. We desperately wanted to get a comment from Mr. Strait, but he had to be in Amarillo by morning to continue his tour. He did state that for his fans, he had a love without end, Amen. Government officials expect this to continue for the foreseeable future, as once a song of this magnitude hits the airwaves, it isn’t going anywhere. “Your great-grandchildren will be procreating to this song, also you should know there’s going to be a third first child in about 7 months,” proclaimed President Obama.
Mr. Strait’s song can be purchased on itunes, or the Amazon music store, as well as be listened to on Pandora and Spotify. Listen at your own risk!