In a move that surprised few, the SEC West joined the NFL on Thursday, sending shockwaves throughout the College and Professional Football landscape. Fresh off its umpteenth National Championship that showcased two teams from the same power conference division, the SEC West decided to make the move after the invitation was extended by Roger Goodell.
In a statement issued by Goodell, “The goal of the NFL has always been to field the strongest 32 teams in the world. With the past events of the last ten years, it has become extremely apparent that the current NFL teams were not representative of this vision. We plan to remedy the situation immediately. As of today, we are relegating the NFC West to various leagues, and replacing them with teams from the SEC West. These changes are to be effective immediately that will impact the current NFL playoffs. The San Francisco 49ers are going to be replaced by the Alabama Crimson Tide in the 2011-2012 NFL Playoffs. The New Orleans Saints will travel to Bryant-Denny Stadium and play the Crimson Tide on Saturday. Thank you.”
The teams involved include all four members of the NFC West, along with Alabama, LSU, Auburn, and Arkansas of the SEC West. Mississippi State and Mississippi will remain in the SEC, which will become a ten team league and will likely dissolve the two division format for the time being. The fates of the NFC West teams will vary greatly with each team being relegated to other leagues. The 49ers will be sent to the Canadian Football League, The Rams will join the upstart UFL, Cardinals will be sent to the Arena League, and the Seahawks will become part of Conference- USA.
The move, while not surprising, is quite controversial, especially when it came to the 49ers being replaced by the Crimson Tide. “We know we played the tougher schedule” Alabama coach Nick Saban said, “Everyone knows the SEC West is the premiere college division in football, and I think our demolition of LSU in the College title game was a statement game for our entrance into the NFL. We’re going to prepare for Drew Brees and stop that passing attack on Saturday.”
Vegas has the lines set for the Saints-Tide game set at Saints -5.5, with a Vegas insider speculating, “Everyone knows Saban struggles with the pro game, just look at his time with the Dolphins, he obviously has the best defense in the league now, but even that we’re unsure if he can match wits with Peyton.”
Coach Jim Harbaugh, of the 49ers, was obviously dejected upon hearing the announcement, “I get it, I just don’t like it. I knew something was obviously wrong with our conference division when Alex Smith could lead a team to a 13-3 record, but I figured we were just fortunate. I guess the NFL, and Goodell have corrected this egregious error. I’d like to apologize to our fans, if there are any left, for having to watch this dreadful division the past few years.”
Many players of the SEC shared the sentiment spoken by Crimson Tide running back Trent Richardson, “So let me get this straight, we’re playing football, no class and we’re getting paid? What change? Sounds like what we’re doing now to me.”
Many fans of the SEC felt a guarded optimism about the switch. With the checkered past of SEC boosters, many were unsure of what the future will hold for them. “I’m not sure what to do now, do we keep paying these kids under the table now that they’re legally professional players? We need a ruling from Mr. Goodell as soon as possible, so we can get back to giving these kids the finest women, cars, and other amenities that we can give them.”
The previous NFC West teams had mixed views about the switch. Upon hearing that the Cardinals would be arena league bound, wide receiver, Larry Fitzgerald quipped, “I’m not surprised. This is all Kolb’s fault, three years ago I was in the Super Bowl making plays for my team, now I’m in the f*&#(*# arena league.”
Seahawks running back, Marshawn Lynch was visibly upset, “Conference USA?!? That’s not even a good conference. We couldn’t even crack the Pac-12 or something? Shit! And what about my contract? I gotta go back to school now? How am I supposed to pay for that shit man, there ain’t no boosters for C-USA schools, they’ll probably expect me to go to class. F this man, where are my Skittles.”
No one in the media cared to glean a reaction from any St Louis Rams, in fact, no one in the UFL had actually heard of the Rams when called for comment. Experts all agree that they’ll be challenged greatly by the talent in the UFL and likely won’t be able to compete for at least 2 or 3 years.
Perhaps the most remarkable aspect of the switch is that Alabama, a state devoid of anything pro sports save Talladega Superspeedway, now has two NFL franchises. Thousands of jobless rednecks were seen celebrating on the dirt roads all over Alabama. Alabama Governor, Robert Bentley summed up the move stating, “This is the greatest day in our state’s proud history well since all that stuff that happened before 1970, those were the real golden years.”