COURTLAND—Wednesday was quite a special event for Southampton residents. As a beautiful autumn day in Western Tidewater wound down, the Presidential motorcade rode down 58 approaching the Hampton Roads area. Things were not as sunny as they appeared, however, as the motorcade and even the president himself, were found to have numerous infractions found by Virginia State Trooper, Stanley Johnson.
“We found the president in violation of numerous infractions, I’ve never been more ashamed to be an American” Johnson said.
The infractions included two burnt out tail lights, an expired inspection sticker for the vehicles themselves. The President was not wearing a seatbelt at the time he was pulled over by Johnson. As Johnson approached the vehicle, he smelled what he believed to be bourbon coming from the vehicle.
He then ordered Obama out of the Suburban and administered a sobriety test.
“He kept saying some basketball injury to his ankle was causing him to wobble, but I know better. He’s no different than anyone else is, so I had to cite him” said Johnson.
Obama issued a statement, “Today, we saw how our law enforcement officials do a thorough job here in the Commonwealth of Virginia and throughout the country. Sure, the officer may have been a little over zealous but he acted in what he perceived as the best interest for the people of Tidewater and that is commendable. This is the can do attitude that the American people need to adopt and change we can believe in.”
The President is just likely to pardon himself.